need to get this off my chest

Applying to medicine hasn’t been the easiest thing ever. Here is my story.

In JC, my only goal in life was to do well at the ‘A’s. Pathetic, I know. I kept to myself, had few friends, and tried my hardest to do well. I’m not someone who’s extremely talented and can ace every exam without studying. I have to study hard to do well. Really hard. But eventually, my efforts paid off during the ‘A’ levels and I obtained straight As, in addition to a distinction for H3 chemistry. I thought the world of myself. I shouldn’t have.

The next year, I applied for NUS medicine. I was so naïve, so foolish. I thought I would get in without much difficulty. It was a huge blow to me when I NUS decided to offer me my second choice instead of Medicine. I hadn’t a clue about what medicine was about, or what doctors even did. I just thought that since I was interested, and good at both Biology and Chemistry, that I would apply for Medicine.

I continued to apply for entrance into UK med the same year. But being in OCS took a toll on the amount of time I had for my application. Every weekend, I returned home tired, but I resolved to go to the library (where I could apply myself to my work fully) on both Saturdays and Sundays, where time permitted. It was like working a 7 day a week shift. I got so exhausted by the end of that period. But it wasn’t enough. I scored poorly for the UKCAT, and my lack of practice in argumentative writing crippled my pretty impressive BMAT scores.

In the end, I didn’t receive a single offer for Medicine in the UK. It was that terrible. I was depressed for the longest period ever. Sometimes I think I still am, and I don’t think that my sadness will ever go away, unless I get into Medical school in the UK. My mother’s insistence that I didn’t try my best isn’t helping. Neither is the fact that she spontaneously ignites whenever we discuss my university applications.

I joined an internship programme at the start of this year, in a last ditch attempt to get a good reference for my NUS application this year. To my great surprise, the internship was one of the best things to happen to me. I really learnt a lot about what it’s like to be a doctor. Being in the medical profession not an easy task – it’s challenging, not just mentally, but physically. It demands great responsibility from the individual at all times. A 24/7 commitment. But I’m still applying for Medicine. Why? Honestly, I don’t really know. Doctors really have no life. Perhaps it’s because of my being in NS – realizing that I like to help people, to counsel them, to groom them, to interact with them. Doctors do that quite a lot. Or maybe it’s because I really like biochemistry. I’ve always excelled in organic chemistry and human anatomy has always interested me.

Anyway, like I expected, NUS rejected my discretionary application without even bothering to notify me. I had to go to them. They’re snobs like that. Once they reject you, it’s for a lifetime. The reference was good, but it didn’t help.

Applying to medicine in the UK this year is my last attempt at becoming a doctor. I’m so tired of it all, so sick of being rejected. I look at all my peers and see them with scholarships, confirmed places in universities, some in courses which they truly desire, others not so. But most of them know that their future is, for now, secure. I still have nothing. I wish someone could wipe my mind clean – give me the perseverance, the strength, and the commitment to strive to secure a place, like I did last year. So yes. Help me please.